The Toes-ary

On a lighter note...

Recently, the kids have discovered that knuckles pop. Now popping knuckles is something they all want to do, all the time. Taking advantage of this, I have developed a new form of prayer. We call it the "Toes-ary".

Basically, it's a cross between "Little Piggies" and the Rosary. I grab a toe and start a Hail Mary while popping the knuckles. With each toe, we say a little more of the prayer until we finish. Then, we repeat on the other foot. Last night we decided that the mystery from the life of Christ we'd reflect on is the washing of the disciples feet.

It's not likely to go down in history as one of the great forms of prayer like these, but this is something distinctly Drapeauvian and proof that happy families are happy in unique ways.

In the future, I'll post some more of our family's quirky habits/sayings for your amusement.

Our Greatest Fear

An old friend from South Africa recently got in touch with me and sent me the following quotation in response to post on Heroic Leadership. It's from a woman named Marianne Williamson but is often attributed erroneously to Nelson Mandela. When I first saw it it had Mandela's name attached, so every time I think of it, it's Mandela's voice delivering the lines in my head.

I really like the quotation and I think it certainly has Ignatian overtones. It reminds me of St. Irenaus' saying that the "Glory of God is man fully alive." I'm a little suspicious of the rest of this woman's oeuvre. (It has that "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual" vibe that drives me nuts.) Anyway, the quotation:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Thanks, Craig!

Reflections on Heroic Leadership

The following is an excerpt from my journal that I thought I'd put up here. If it is boring or rambling, forgive me and just scroll down to the previous post of my kids' videos. At least they're cute.

I have started reading a new book called Heroic Leadership written by a former Jesuit and given to me by a dear friend. So far it is interesting, but not fascinating. I think my exposure to things Ignatian has lessened the novelty of many of his insights, but he is making me think of things I haven’t thought of in a while.

This morning I want to consider and explore one of the things that comes up in that book, namely, the importance of self-awareness. Also, I want to examine the Ignatian legacy in my life.

The current state of my life is best characterized by the phrase “in transition.” As I’ve written elsewhere, I see what has been going on these last few years as an Exodus of sorts. Certainly the most resonant scripture account has been the story of the Israelites’ journey from slavery to freedom in the Promised Land. I have identified closely with this recently and when I say I’m “in transition” this is what I’m referring to—the transition from slavery to freedom; from death to new life.
But, this new life I’m experiencing/preparing to experience is an enigma to me. I’m genuinely bewildered about what “new life” means for me.

In many ways I find my experience analogous to being born. The transition is laborious and quite painful, and now that I’m in this new environment, I have to learn everything from scratch. I know how to be a slave; I don’t know how to be free.

This is a very unusual position to be in for me. I who prided himself on being so self-aware, for keeping a journal, for being wise, etc. find myself wide-eyed and paralyzed in my current situation. In my mind’s eye, I appear as mystified as my son Maximilian waking from a nap in the afternoon. How odd to not know myself.

This brings me to the discussion on Ignatius and the influence of the Jesuits on my life. Am I Ignatian? Have the Jesuits marked me for life? If so, how do I cultivate the good of the Jesuits and filter out the poison that seems to be contaminating the order at present? Am I not Ignatian? Is my desire to be Ignatian a romantic notion akin to my desires to speak Latin, have a degree from TAC, and be physically/lethally fit? Is it a lie for me to consider myself a product of the Jesuits when I am not financially successful, politically influential, whatever? Am I not primarily a Chestertonian? Do I not identify with Opus Dei more than with the Society of Jesus?

On the other hand, do those things not come from my love of my Jesuit education? After all, I learned of GKC at BCP; I came to love the idea of AMDG present in Opus Dei from Jesuit priests and authors I met and read while in high school. In fact, the most influential books I’ve ever read are ones I came across during my time as a student at Brophy Prep.

So, what? How do I make use of my Jesuit legacy? Must I still be involved with the place that was for me both the Egypt of Joseph and the Egypt of Moses? Can I truly maintain an Ignatian character apart from a vital connection with the order? Will I wither and fade like a cut flower in my isolation? Will Brophy/the Society of Jesus become the Great Pyramids of my life’s landscape—impressive edifices, filled with hieroglyphics and dead men’s bones?

How can I distill from my time with Ignatius’ company a practical potion for making my own company prosperous? What can Inigo teach me about freedom and learning to walk? I don’t know the answers to all these questions. In reading Heroic Leadership, I’ve come across a few phrases that sparked this reflection:

“our way of proceeding”
“greater love than fear”
“magis”

Greater love than fear. This is how Ignatius hoped to characterize his order. It is emphatically not how Brophy was run during my time as a teacher there. It is however the way I want to live my life.

This theme of love being stronger than fear has run through my life for a long time. I think freedom from fear is one of the most important things I need to learn/am learning here in the land of Canaan. For me, this virtue of courage is crucial. I need it so that I can give it away, lead my family, inspire my sons. I need I to be real, too. I need to be brave so that when I talk to students, my consolation is strong and not merely a platitude.

I believe more than anything in the power of love. From John Donne to Tonio K. to Amy Elizabeth to my children to wordSwell, I believe in love connections. I believe in making them, keeping them, strengthening them. I want my life and my work to be like St. Andrew—I want to bring people to Love; I want to love people to God.

Our way of proceeding. The author of Heroic Leadership points out that the Jesuits “way of proceeding” is never written out as a formula. Rather, it issues forth from a state of being that St. Ignatius inculcated in his company. This simplest way to explain this is that Ignatius didn’t give a man a fish, nor did he merely teach a man to fish. What he did was more radical: he helped men become fishermen.

My way of proceeding must also necessarily flow out of my being and not be limited to my doing. I think here is a place for intuition to operate. At Brophy, my intuition was the first place that seeds of self-doubt were sown. I’m still affected by it. Here, too, the role of habits becomes so obvious and important. Good intuition comes from good habits; habits form one’s way of proceeding. Consequently, I do not proceed how I would.

The question for me is “how do I effectively change my habits?” I’ve gotten past the immaturity of strongly worded resolutions and may just be coming out of a jaded cynicism, but here is a prime example of where I’m a newborn without a clue.

As a slave, my habits were more conditioning than anything else. I acted as was expected (out of fear) or as unexpected (out of passive resistance), but never truly out of virtue. Even my fidelity to the Church was largely a rebellion against the “System”. (I have always wanted to be orthodox, but my self-identification as “Mr. Orthodoxy: heroic martyr” was not authentically me. The real me is a reconciler; a defender of the Faith who seeks understanding.)

As a free man, how do I form good habits? I am accustomed to failure and disappointment. I fear success more than anything else, so I sabotage myself constantly by overextending myself and causing chaos. Steven Pressfield might insist that doing my Work will form my work habits. I think that’s true.

Magis. I won’t say much about this except perhaps “Amen”. I want my life and work to be more than the minimum--I want to live for God’s great glory. But I also want it (my contribution to his glory) to be truly great.

Kids' Saint's Day Speeches

Every year, in lieu of a Halloween celebration at the school, our kids have a saint's day celebration. All the kids in the school research a saint and then give a short presentation about that saint's life dressed as the saint they've chosen.

The quality of the video is not that good, but I posted them fast, so no complaints.

This year, we had the following saints:

Olivia, as St. Clare of Assisi



Joseph, as St. Jude Thaddeus



Sophia, as St. Colette



For good measure, we also have Max as St. Luke (Skywalker)

A Song That Chokes Me Up

Last night at Monday School we were discussing Jesus' parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl of Great Price. I mentioned a song called "How Much Do You Think You Are Worth?" that always makes me verklempt.

Below are the lyrics to the song and a link to where you can hear it performed by the original artist (I prefer the version of my friend who introduced me to the song, but she's not on the Internet...)

You'll need Real Audio Player to listen.

How Much Do You Think You Are Worth?

Is a rich man worth more than a poor man?
A stranger worth less than a friend?
Is a baby worth more than an old man?
Your beginning worth more than your end?

Is a president worth more than his assassin?
Does your value decrease with your crime?
Like when Christ took the place of Barabbas
Would you say he was wasting his time?

Well, how much do you think you are worth, boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Would you say that a man is worth nothing
Until someone is willing to pay?

I suppose that you think you matter
Well, how much do you matter to whom?
It’s much easier at night when with friends and bright lights
Than much later alone in your room

Do you think they’ll miss one in a billion
When you finish this old human race?
Does it really make much of a difference
When your friends have forgotten your face?

If you heard that your life had been valued
That a price had been paid on the nail
Would you ask what was traded,
How much and who paid it
Who was He and what was His name?

If you heard that His name was called Jesus
Would you say that the price was too dear?
Held to the cross not by nails but by love
It was you broke His heart, not the spear!
Would you say you are worth what it cost Him?
You say ‘no’, but the price stays the same.
If it don’t make you cry, laugh it off, pass Him by,
But just remember the day when you throw it away
That He paid what He thought you were worth.

How much do you think He is worth, boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Tell me, what are you willing to give Him
In return for the price that He paid?

Graham Kendrick
Copyright © 1974 Make Way Music

Hear it.

Today's Message from Opus Dei

In Opus Dei, they speak of the "heroic moment"--that first moment of
the day when you awake and must choose whether to hit the snooze
button or start the day. They consider it a heroic act to mortify
oneself ("die to self") by getting up immediately and offering your
day to the Lord.

If this is indeed a measure of heroism, I am a villain whose perfidy
may never be fully plumbed.

All kidding aside, I did manage somehow to get out of bed at an
early-esque hour today and I found this in my inbox. Once again, I
think it's good advice.

MESSAGE
October 23, 2007
"Practice meditation for a fixed period and at a fixed time"
Practice meditation for a fixed period and at a fixed time. Otherwise
we would be putting our own convenience first; that would be a lack of
mortification. And prayer without mortification is not at all
effective. (Furrow, 446)

Overcome any sluggishness you may feel, and the false excuse that
prayer can wait for later. Let us never put off this vital source of
grace until tomorrow. Now is the right time. God, who is a loving
spectator of everything we do, watches over our most intimate needs.
You and I, I tell you once again, we need to confide in him as we
might confide in a brother, a friend, a father. Tell him, as I am
telling him now, that he is all greatness, all goodness, all mercy.
Tell him also, 'This is why I want to fall in love with you, despite
my rough manner and poor hands, soiled and ill‑treated by the dust and
grime of this earth'...

Each day without fail we should devote some time specially to God,
raising our minds to him, without any need for the words to come to
our lips, for they are being sung in our heart. Let us give enough
time to this devout practice; at a fixed hour, if possible. Before the
Tabernacle, close to him who has remained there out of Love. If this
is not possible, we can pray anywhere because our God is ineffably
present in the heart of every soul in grace. (Friends of God, 246.249)

New Pics of Kids

Our friend Alishia took some pictures of our family this weekend. I like this one of the two brothers. If you follow the link below you should be able to get to the others.

by alishialinn
 © All rights reserved

Just follow this link to see the photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/alishiahanson/sets/72157602590972643/

(If the link doesn't work, try copying and pasting it from this email into your browser's address bar.)

“God does not lose battles”

I get a daily email from that nefarious organization known as Opus Dei. Below I've copied the email reflection I got yesterday in the mail.

I don't think it's especially profound, but I do think it is indicative of the manly nature of St. Josemaria's advice. For a guy like me who tends to beat himself up when he falls, this stuff is really encouraging.

For a while I was getting a daily reflection from another religious order and it was good, but Escriva's words seem to always have more depth, wisdom, and virility than the other group's.

When I went to my first Opus Dei meeting 5 or 6 years ago, I told the friend who invited me that I had never experienced anything like it. "That was the drumstick of faith," I quipped. "There wasn't an ounce of fat on it. No red punch, no 'hi-how-are-ya's--just strong meat and Grace. Wow." I still feel like that.

The image that's not displaying is the Opus Dei logo.

MESSAGE October 21, 2007 "God does not lose battles" If you fall, get up with greater hope. Self-love alone is incapable of understanding that an error, when put right, helps us to know and to humble ourselves. (Furrow, 724) Forward, no matter what happens! Cling tightly to Our Lord's hand and remember that God does not lose battles. If you should stray from him for any reason, react with the humility that will lead you to begin again and again; to play the role of the prodigal son every day, and even repeatedly during the twenty‑four hours of the same day; to correct your contrite heart in Confession, which is a real miracle of God's Love. In this wonderful Sacrament Our Lord cleanses your soul and fills you with joy and strength to prevent you from giving up the fight, and to help you keep returning to God unwearied, when everything seems black. In addition, the Mother of God, who is also our Mother, watches over you with motherly care, guiding your every step. Holy Scripture points out that even 'the just man falls seven times' [1]. Whenever I read this phrase my soul trembles with love and sorrow. This divine indication shows us Our Lord once again setting out to meet us and speak to us about his mercy, his tenderness and clemency that know no limits. Be sure of this: God does not want our wretchedness, but he is aware of it, and indeed he makes use of our weakness to make saints of us… I prostrate myself before God and I state my situation clearly. Immediately he helps me, he reassures me, and I hear him repeat slowly in the depths of my heart, meus es tu! [2], I know the way you are, as I have always known it. Forward! (Friends of God, 214-215)  [1] Prov 24:16 [2] 'You are mine' (Is 43:1)

My New License Plate

Seriously, how cool am I?

14 Minutes, 40 Seconds Remaining...

My fifteen minutes of fame is slowly getting eaten up.

Today I got an email from Dappled Things informing me that I'm officially published.

Dappled Things is an online (now print as well) literary magazine for young Catholic writers/artists. As of my next birthday, I am no longer a young Catholic (I turn 36 this year). So, this was my last chance to get in.

My poem is called "Bread from Heaven". I hope you enjoy it.

The Pitter Patter of Tiny Feasts

One of the best things about being a Catholic is that there's always a reason to celebrate. This week alone our family will be celebrating 3 special feast days. Today is the feast of St. Therese of Lisieux. This day is special to our Olivia Therese and she's loving living it up. Tomorrow is the feast of guardian angels, which we all have (Sophia claims she has two) and Thursday is the feast of St. Francis of Assisi--one of Annamaria Francesca's patron saints.

There are a million ways we can honor our saints and reflect on their good examples. Today we let Olivia eat off of our "You Are Special" plate and Amy made a crumb cake; tomorrow we might have angel food cake; Thursday we're eating Italian and the kids are stripping of all their clothes in public like St. Francis.

Another good thing is that we have the kids' saints to back us up on discipline/family issues. For example:

"Olivia! Do you think St. Therese ate with her fingers??"

"Sophia, why can't you be more like St. Clare and embrace poverty and fashion-backwardness?"

"Joseph! There's no way the foster father of our Lord would condone hitting girls."

"Annamaria! Seriously, kid, there's no way Mamma Mary was this stubborn."

At the moment, Max (named after Maximilan Kolbe) is perfect and, like his patron, dotes on his mother. Eventually though he'll need to be punished and then we'll let him know that his patron was martyred in prison so "Time Out" is really an opportunity to emulate his role model.

Anyway, find out who your saints are and then make a big deal about it. We do it and we love it.