I'm performing in this play.

Worth a Read

http://www.catholicexchange.com/node/64091

Domestic Safari Update

I don't have time for a long field report today. (Actually, I never have time...) I just thought I'd share a few things that struck me as funny/telling about my kids.

First, my son Joseph is on a "little league" soccer team called the Knights. This, however, is not the name he and his friend Petey lobbied for. They wanted "The Bloodsuckers". I think that's a terrifying name for a soccer team--what is this, professional wrestling? Can you imagine a horde of 7-8 year old boys screaming down the field in KISS make-up? It seriously scares the poo out of me.

Maybe they were playing off the homophony between soccer/sucker--if I go with that, does my boy sound a little more literate? Or maybe it was veiled protest against corporate team sponsorship? The back of their shirts might then read "The Bloodsuckers/Smith and Jones Accounting" or something like that...

Second, last night was, in my wife's words, "a little miracle". Why? Because the kids all played together in peace. The irony here is that their peaceful activity was creating and naming all sorts of Lego weapons. My daughter, sweet Sophia of the hook-hand dreams, was chirping out all kinds of horrific names for their creations:

Pursuit of Darkness
Day of Doom
Bloody Bud
Romeo

That last one gave me some hope that my kids weren't hopelessly morbid, but then I remembered that Romeo met his demise in a double suicide. Perhaps we should feed them Quaker Oats in hopes that they'll develop pacifist tendencies.

On a happier note, when I told Olivia that she could make other things besides weapons with her Legos, she lovingly told me that she'd make me a flower once she was finished with her "space guns".

I should probably read this again. Which, by the way, is a post that was commented upon by somebody in New Zealand. (If you're still visiting, we should arrange a house-swap vacation or something. I live near the biggest hole in the world and you live near Hobbits...)

In my next field report I'll write about the new self-defense courses my son Max (9 months old tomorrow) is offering his siblings and I might also discuss the new class I'm offering at our parish, Monday School.

Sluggard's Lament

O Lord, in your wisdom you've shown me
something that I often forget--
I like to wake up in the morning
when it's dark out and flowers are wet.
In quiet, I eat and I praise thee
In silence, I write and I pray
but, still, Lord your wisdom evades me:
why send mornings so soon in the day?

Born to be Mild

For the record, I can't drink to save my life. I like beer and wine, but they don't like me. I consider this a pretty major flaw in my otherwise Chestertonian constitution, but we all have our crosses to bear...

One of my favorite poem-ettes is from Hillaire Belloc:

Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine,
There's always laughter and good red wine.
At least I've always thought it so,
Benedicamus Domino.

So my apology for not being able to drink ad hiliaritatum (Aquinas):

I'm much more of a thinker
than I am a drinker.
But I am an advocate
of getting one's dry whistle wet.

Alarmed

As I awoke, all thick and groggy,
my morning thoughts were still quite foggy.
And I considered from my bed
how I would feel if I were dead.
But at that moment it occurred,
"If I were dead, I'd not've stirred."
Alarmed with insight into life,
I snoozed the clock and hugged my wife.

Irish Advice/A Toast

Drink a Guinness, then Recite (in your best brogue):

Drink 'til you're merry
and not 'til you're bad.
Then, when you're buried,
all will feel sad.
None will regret sharing with you his liquor.
and you might get prayed out of Purg'tory quicker.

Wine As Aquinas Recommends

St. Thomas with sincerity
said, "Drink until hilarity."
But if you drink much more than this,
you might become Anonymous.

A little bit famous...

Apparently my vanity knows no bounds. This isn't a big deal, but I made it on someone else's blog...

14 minutes, 50 seconds of fame left...

Drinking Songs and Poem-ettes

I recently came across recordings of Hillaire Belloc singing and it made me think about the lost art of bar singing and whimsical versification. So I've been trying to write very, very light verse every day as a sort of grown-up recess activity. Here's the latest:

I have a notion that this nation sorely needs to hear
more songs that are inspired by the drinking of good beer.
Not the raucous rock songs a piss-drunkard sometimes bellows,
but rather rousing choruses from blokes and their good fellows.

Seriously, though I think it's high time for a national pub singing movement. Local chapters could be called wePods and meetings could consist of singing and drinking beer and burgundy (but not too much). Every week the lad with the most original/most singable song gets to drink for free.

In the spirit of this, I've composed a drinking song about a man who's been betrayed by his chum:

I'll tip a pint to you, Old Friend, I'll tip a pint to you.
And, when I finish this one, I'll tip another, too.
For I remember you, Old Friend--yes, I remember you,
but I'm trying to forget ya, so, I'll drink until I do.

Here are some other poem-ettes I've written recently:

A Little Exercise
This is a little excercise
that I have under taken--
to practice writing verse until
the habit can't be shaken.

I wish to speak in couplets
and pithy epigrams
so that a rhyming rhythym
will capture who I am.

Two Men
The man who lives in ignorance
(through no fault of his own)
can claim a primal innocence
from sins he might have known.

But we call that man foolish
who will not seek wisdom.
'Cuz ignorant or schoolish,
an unwise man is dumb.

Bedtime
Going to bed at three,
is often a pleasure for me.
But getting back up at 6:30
makes all of my bones start to hurty.

Balls
I have so many balls up in the air
that I can't take the risk of looking down.
So even though I'm juggling with care,
I sometimes slip on marbles on the ground.

Now, remember: these are not meant to be good or profound--they're meant to be recess. Also, I'm pretty sure they'll sound better after a few drinks. The image above is from these guys.

Cheers!